I was at a wedding this past weekend and, as I did not really know many of the people present and I’m a bit of an awkward, albeit quite capable, socializer, I found myself fortunate to become the target of a much less awkward and much more capable socializer who happened to be an up-and-coming actor. I say fortunate, because it meant that he asked me a bunch of questions and I, in return, confirmed or denied responses to his questions and, more importantly, didn’t have to seek out another conversation or stand around sipping a drink and looking at people who, in turn, might make eye contact with me and make me look away quickly, worrying that maybe they thought I was checking them out or worse, recognized them.

I like to think we both got a lot out of our conversations.

This up-and-coming actor has, in fact, been in a few things, both TV shows and movies, with some not so minor parts and he is very affable and outgoing so I expect I will start to see him in things in no time and be able to go, “Oh hey! I know that guy sort of!” It’s important to note the affable nature of The Actor, as I will henceforth refer to him, because at one point he was talking about going to various parties and events in L.A. and meeting famous people. I, confirming in response to this anecdote, said something along the lines of, “Ah yes. Networking. Very important.” Suprisingly to me, The Actor was a little taken aback by this comment and I paraphrase, “Networking won’t get you anywhere. You have to just go hang out with people and just get to know them without expecting anything from them and, if they like you, they will remember you and before you know it they will ask you to be in their next project. Why do you think you never see Michael Cera in anything anymore? Because he’s not the nicest person.”

Now, to be clear, when I said “networking” I didn’t mean it like, “Here’s my business card. Call me.” I am not entirely new to the idea of “people like to hang out with other cool people so just be nice and things will happen.” In fact, I’d argue that’s the basis of good networking. I mean, would one go out to these parties if they weren’t trying to become an actor? I dunno, maybe. Maybe they want to become a director instead.

But The Actor’s point is not lost on me. The point is don’t go out with the intention of “making connections”, but rather with the intention of just meeting people and showing them you’re not a bad person. Talk to them about their lives and ask them questions. Get to know them and show them you’re interested and they might just do the same in return. You can clearly see that this is what TA (now shortening The Actor out of laziness) was doing with me while I, in turn, was nodding and telling him about my life and generally not asking him any questions about his.

I’m terrible at this.

Most of my jobs have been customer service based (note that I am now going to tell you about myself even though I just said I shouldn’t be doing that, but this is a blog so what did you expect?) As such I typically have to have a strong, outgoing, extraverted personality. But if we’re being completely honest, it’s not really who I am. I like socializing, but I generally prefer to stay home and play videogames. I know many people as a result of work, but I have a small handful of very good friends. However, as I am trying to build an audience for Cutthroat Fruit Merchants it is important to go out and become part of the boardgame community at large. So I am working to overcome my introverted nature and forcing myself to go to boardgame gatherings with people I’ve never met and just play games with them. In fact, I am just about to hit the road to go to my first boardgame convention. And, yes, I am bringing along Fruit Merchant in case I can get some people to play it and get feedback, but it’s not really the goal. The goal is to go and meet people. Learn about what they’re doing and play their games. Exchanges will happen naturally, but one must become part of the community.

And that’s the real takeaway of my conversation with TA. If you go looking at any self-starting business guru (I’m assuming if you’re reading this it will probably be someone that also makes boardgames or videogames or writes or does some other artsy thing) they will give you the same advice. Don’t try to sell your game to someone. Save that for pitches to actual game companies. Just go out and meet people and show an interest in what they’re doing and become, dare I say it, friends with them.

Good luck and drink lots of coffee.

…But not too much.